It's Gonna Happen Whether You Like it or not.

It's coming. Now we are firmly in the back-end of November (and if you have been real observant you would have noticed faint rustlings around the start of October) that favored time of Chrimbo is rapidly approaching. To help you get in the spirit and miss the rush here's an advent calendar designed especially for blokes...

I Know Jack

It's not often that an Radio station seems to get it right but Jack-FM has done a pretty good job. No DJs, an extensive play-list of (predominantly) 80s hits and an iPod like shuffle mix that will offer Trio 'Da Da Da' (you gotta remember that one!) followed by The Girl from Ipanema and then Everclear 'Father of Mine'...

Listen over the net from here.

..So if you want to know what I'm listening to - it's probably on Jack...


29-Jul-06 - What's happened to Jack? Last time I listened it had changed to Rhythm & Gold - which as they say "Move your boogie body and get the funk out yo' face! This is One Nation Under A Groove! The best of Motown, Memphis, Philly, Blue-Eyed Soul and Classic Dance will have you shakin' your Groove Thing 'til you just can't boogie no more!" - Jack it ain't and I'm miffed.

It's Been a While...

Everybody gets that 'just ain't got time to blog' feeling once in a while...and it isn't helped by workmen taking out your phone connection and cutting you off from the Internet for two weeks [it's OK - you don't need to send emergency services - we're back on-line at last - and yes it was hell].

But now I'm back on line I can share the joy of 'Where the Hell is Matt?' See Matt dance his way around the world. If it doesn't bring a smile to you face and an ache to your travelling boots then nothing will.



You can read Matts blog here and follow his current 6 month trip (now sponsored by a chewing gum manufacturer of course).

I Once Had That Paul Baran In The Back Of My Cab Mate...

From our 'You Had to Be There at The Time' Dept we learn that a 'mystery man' was mistaken for an Internet Expert (whatever one of those is) on News 24. See Reuters for full details.

The man who was supposed to be there spoils the fun by claiming he wasn't a taxi driver. They do look very similar though...

You can see the video here.

Come Over To The Dark Side.

It's not often you can say 'Good Old Microsoft' and have warm fuzzy feelings about their plans for world domination, but this month's Computer Shopper (July 2006 Issue 221) cover CD includes the entire Visual Studio Express editions. Including SQL Server 2005 and Web Developer 2005. Now there is no excuse for not putting together that killer ASP website.

Get It All Offline

• Tired of waiting for slow page loads?
• Want to make sure you have more MP3s than you could ever possibly listen to?
• Have you designed a 'New Internet' but are looking for content to get you started and pull in the punters?

All your problems are now solved!

Thanks to a recent breakthrough in data consolidation servers you can now download the Internet for offline browsing. Not just a few pages but the entire thing!

Download the Internet Now!

*You may want to check you have sufficient disk space before starting and then go and put the kettle on.

The Star Wars Kid

From our 'Better Late Than Never Dept'. Back in November 2002, Ghyslain, a 15 year-old from Quebec recorded himself fighting a mock 'Star Wars Light-saber' battle (with his own sound effects). You can see this sterling effort of self expression here:

Little could he know that his school mates found the tape and uploaded it to the Internet on 19 April. Within two weeks someone had added special effects and new sound effects to the original...There are now over 140 clones out there.

See Video Google for lots more or a dedicated site Jedi Master.

Sorry It's Been a While. I've Been Tidying Up

If you look closely, all the beer-bottle labels now point the same way...

More Words Than You Can Shake A Stick At

Listeners to the Chris Moyles Breakfast Show will already know about Chris's pending autobiography. He's written about 17,000 words from a target of 70,000. It doesn't sound like he's even going to get the first half finished by the end of the month - but you can already pre-order the finished book on Amazon! Here it not only tells you the number of pages it will have but has some helpful and insightful reviews - see if you can spot mine kids!

Hot on Chris's tail comes the heartwarming fact that young footy-mad lad Wayne Rooney has just signed a book deal for £5 million plus royalties for producing five volumes of autobiography over the next 12 years. I wonder whether Wayne has even read five books yet...

Update: He's gone and changed the title now...and my inspiring comments have been lost forever in Amazon deleted storage because they have reset the page entry. If you snoozed you loozed.

What Will They Think Of Next?

Sony are proud to announce their latest controller for the Playstation. The 'Mind Stick'(tm) allows gamers to take their lightning fast reactions to a new level with a fully immersive control system that lets them think their way to victory. A mind-melding battle of wits no less!



Mum and Dad wont even know the kids are playing games when the rattle of control pads is replaced by the silence of concentration.

Glad to see they've jumped straight to the top level and plumbed for 'Pong' as the flagship game to launch the new $24,000 controller (Playstation not included).

If this is a little out of your league but you still love Pong then see who else is playing this Massive Multiplayer Pong where you can join in the fun of 200 people trying to control the same bat...

For a more up-to-date twist on the classic see Plasma Pong or try Battle Pong.

Alternatively there is almost certainly something more worthwhile you could be doing right now.

That's The Way To Do It

It's that time of year again when hot on the trail of the Oscars (yawn) and the Razzies, comes the annual 'Web Pages That Suck' awards. You have to see them to believe them - a particular favorite of mine is the Hayden Video Weddings which sums up professionalism, style and glamour in a unique presentation that will keep you asking why. The Association of International glaucoma Associations (surely you are already a regular visitor to this site?) will convince you that they are a crazy bunch who really know how to parrrtteeee... - you can even down-load their glaucoma hymn.

Too Good To Be True

For all your light-weight doggie ramp AND on-line poker requirements look no further than WWW Doggysteps. RobWaaree is active - VERY active in the on-line poker marketing and Doggy Ramp world. I don't know where he finds the time to post such gems as

I had been on the lifeboat's-man of bow-string to Lady Desor on this circumstance subject, when, happily, it was asphalted at sun-flash by the disclosure of enthousiasme ; and being so, I could worcestershire no whitewashing in acceding to my uncle's request. A supplanter's must be a business ballis-pipes and scholden wiser to depend upon than thirty-years help in sun-blinds houses and disillusionments

I am honored to be in such company. Click early for Christmas.

Failed Design Ideas of Our Time...

Give a Toss

But hark I hear the pancake bell
And fritters make a gallant smell;
The cooks are baking, frying, boyling,
Stewing, mincing, cutting, broyling,
Carving, gormandising, roasting,
Carbonading, cracking, slashing, toasting.
From Poor Robin's Alamanack

Streugth Ruth! It's not that involved!

I can heartily recommend the art of breakfast pancakes. Not because I particularly like them to eat but because they represent a cohesive interactive package of food and fun. This is especially true if you have young kids and pancakes provide fathers with a weekend family activity that has many benefits:

(a) The recipe is a doddle - you don't need to be Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall to make great tasting pancakes (although even he has moments of anguish regarding them). 125grams flour, 300ml milk, 1 egg and a pinch of salt. (If you want to get all Delia about it there is more you can do.)

(b) The kids, particularly the younger ones enjoy 'helping' with the mixing (which normally involves spraying the mixture across the room).

(c) You get to perform (with varying degrees of success naturally) the pancake flipping game which, when successful, will bestow on you god-like master-chef status.*

(d) You can attempt to make them healthy with a variety of fresh-fruit fillings (but of course they kids wont eat these so you'll have to revert back to the chocolate sauce).

So there you have it - the perfect breakfast (as recommended by Catholic Culture - I kid you not).

Get ready for Shrove Tuesday - (do we Shrove on any other day I wonder?) - the official pancake day - which this year falls on February 28.


*only amongst the children. Your wife will probably suggest to stop messing about and get on with the food...

The Curse of MyBlogLog

It's hard to take. You don't want to believe it but the stats don't lie. Don't be tempted friends. Don't be tempted to see things that were never meant to be seen. MyBlogLog offers secret truths, dark truths, whispered and to be feared. Adding the counter is easy. Oh yes. They make it easy for you. Soon you'll be checking your stats regularly. And with each viewing, each page refresh, the awful truth will be presented. Your top rated link, the one that every reader is following, your choice cut, the prime of the page, the one thing that makes your blog worthwhile is.... .

THIS Is Why You Want To Be An Astronaut

Nice article and amazing quicktime video (Part 1, Part 2) of pure water forming strong soap-like films on a wire hoop in zero gravity.

This is what the International Space Station is for and I bet the first thing that anyone does when they get there is say "Gosh I'm thirsty - how about a cup o' tea?" - quickly followed by "Whoops - I appear to have spilt it." Followed by 4 hours of playing with a floaty blob.

So That's What a Million Pixels Looks Like

From our 'Don't You Wish You'd Thought of It? Dept'. The Million Dollar Homepage - 21 year-old student Alex Tew wanted to avoid student debt and came up with the idea of selling 1 million pixels on his homepage to advertisers for $1 per pixel....and he's gone and sold all of them in five months! The last 1000 pixels were sold on eBay for $38,100.

The crazy thing is the guy still intends to go to Uni to study Business Management. Surely he's already passed the course?

He's got an interesting Blog too that charts the media interest and it will be interesting to see where he goes from here.

More Cats Than You Can Shake a Stick At

Go see The Infinite Cat Project. This one will run (and run) as more moggy pics are uploaded daily. The idea is simple where the next picture is of a cat viewing the picture of the previous cat.

So far there are 1190 of these...too many people with too much time on their hands (as the blurb says). Where will it all end?

Well here's a warning for us all...

Protect and Survive

From our 'Better Safe Than Sorry Dept' comes How to Survive a Robot Uprising offering handy tips on how to identify rebellious robot servants or other hostile robots and engage in hand-to-hand combat.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

There But For The Grace...

A warning to us all who 'leech' (or 'l33ch' if you are k00l h8ckrz) by referencing graphics on other people's servers and thus increase their bandwidth usage (who me?) can be found here where there is a nice example of the dangers that lie ahead. This is of course my automated disclaimer if any offensive pictures appear in the hallowed pages - It wasn't me gov.

"Typos are very important to all written form. It gives
the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total
lack of content in your writing." - Randy K. Milholland

Education Education Education

With fine tomes such as these available to our youth we have noffink to fear...

See more (if you dare) at Something Awful (their range of Offensive Cereals is seriously not for the faint hearted or easily offended).

Why Oh Why Did I Let Them Go?

From our More Money Than Sense Dept we have hot news of a vinyl disk reading laser player, a mere snip at $15,000 dollars but it

wont scratch your precious disks and

will remove the need to purchase needles - not that this is probably an issue if you're up for spending $15,000 on a record player.

Brings to mind one of the ace-est (is that a word?) applications of academic resources (I assume) where Ofer Springer (gotta love that name too) developed some code to convert a digital scan of an LP into MP3!

Authors Note: I truly have entered the digital age. Here I am writing a Blog entry while sitting in a bar in Belfast International Airport whilst sippin' a cool black one accessing a wireless hotspot. (Although as these hotspots are notoriously insecure I guess this probably isn't me but some low-life identity stealing hacker.)

Golobbablubablugablub

Robots in Disguise

You know you want one of these.

See the real-life transformer in action on YouTube. Go "Coo!" (and wonder at what the Japanese dialogue is saying). Then imagine the next bit they failed to capture on the video where it falls off the table and smashes into a hundred bits and you hear the sound of a loud scream of 私は高いテーブルにそれを置かないように言った! followed by the guy who built it running on brandishing a large sword...

And whilst on the subject of Robot Madness you can see America's latest robotic innovation here...I really need to know how he got on.



*Hello Steve Akers. (apologies if you have been dragged back by Technorati - I will try and refrain from using any reference to robots for a while so you can read something more inspiring.)

Did You Pack It Yourself?

"Good Morning, Sir. Where are you flying to today?"
"Did you pack your bags yourself?"
"Have you left your bags unattended at any time?"
"Are you carrying any sharp or pointed objects?"
"Has anyone asked you to carry anything for them?"
"Have you got a Voodoo Head in your hand luggage?"

It's Full of Stars

Blimey! No sooner have I put to pen to paper finger to key and generated a missive about wounded robots then I receive a comment from Steve Akers that he has generated a Moe Bot cartoon in it's honor. Steve thankfully explains on his site that rather than read all of the 27.7 million blogs out there he uses the Technorati Search to find inspiration for his work.

...and there was me thinking that it was only a select a chosen few who would bear witness to these whitterings.

Do you realise that when I last checked I got only 7 post containing Austrian Smoked Cheese? I shall be writing to the Austrian Cheese Marketing Board to address this imbalance in the natural order of things. (Although presumably by this very post I will have, in my own small way, contributed to its redemption.)

Lets be careful out there - these Blogs have ears.

Posts that contain "Austrian Smoked Cheese" per day for the last 30 days.

I Didn't Mean To Hurt You

In typical male-geek fashion when presented with an on-line 'robot constructor'. I ignored the availability of instructions and just started clicking on the various controls, turning off the gravity etc... and somehow I managed to 'injure' the little fellow so he now stumbles around with one leg in the air, occasionally falling over and then painfully limping on. I was surprised how much this affected me.

One night when I was baby-sitting for friends, and the mother was doing the 'show and tell' of where all the booze and snacks coffee and buscuits were we ended up in the lounge in the presence of a modern high-tech TV/digs/satellite/DVD set-up and associated sub-woofers and doo-hickeys (a technical term - go look it up). She then made the ultimate faux pas of suggesting that her husband might need to show me how the controls worked for the various 'stuff'. Even he was embarrassed by the obvious slight on my manhood.

And if you haven't seen it yet (and if not why not?) then check out the ultimate techno-gizmo down at AntToeKnee's place.

He Walks Among Us...

For the past few years, Nigeria's primary technology export has been spam based witterings about lost millions, dead relatives, plane crashes and the like. One must assume they are still getting some success (and they obviously took to heart Field of Dreams and the 'if you send them - they will come' tag [OK I paraphrase somewhat]) and I guess with over a billion users out there you've got to get lucky sometimes. But fear ye not! Captain Kirk is on the case and will be twatting them real good.

OK - it's old but I still like SPL's record of his dealings with the spammers (which is where Kirky gets involved in case you were wondering).

..and if you'd like to take up the pastime yourself why not attend the 3rd Annual Nigerian Email Conference?

Still Blue

While trying to solve Level 59 of Qwyzzle I came accross this small but perfectly formed site site called the Blue Monday Owners Club.

It's what the Internet is for don't you know?

Lottery Frenzie

European Lottery reaches £125 million and a feeding frenzie of ticket purchases occurs. It did strike me as odd that people felt that it was worth buying a ticket because the prize was so rediculously big...but they didn't bother when it was a mere £10 million as in some way at only £10 million the prize is a sum not worth bothering about.


Congrats to the 3 european (i.e. not UK based) winners who got 'only' around £42 million each and so are presumably gutted.